A.C.E. Writers

Do your words get all bundled up in the paper and you can’t get poop out of them? STOP. Writer Constipation can be terminal!

Midnight calls from writers often tie me up in a ball of frustration because they’re whining and complaining about the dinking words that won’t come to them, when in reality they have the words… They’ve droned on and on and on to me on the phone for an hour, so they’re not lacking words. They’re lacking initiative to park their butts on the chair and poop on paper. I’m 90% certain if the writer who called last night reads this, she’ll be 90% mad at me for a little while, then… Hopefully, she’ll get over being mad, park her backside in a chair and punch a keyboard.

One key at a time, one word at a time, gets the story out. Until you sit down and face the white space you’ll NEVER write a book. It doesn’t matter how many times you call your writer friends and complain, they lay the phone down by the keyboard and clack out another thousand or so words while you’re droning on about not being able to write. Every now and then, they’re picking up the phone, saying “uh huh” and putting it down again so they can write. You should do the same. If you feel better having someone on the phone to listen to your story, by all means call someone who has the audacity to lay the phone down and type, so you can tell your story and type too.

Better yet… Get a recorder and record all that poop you’re telling your writer buddy on the phone about your story, then when you stop, you’ll have something to translate and a story to publish eventually.

Avoid Writer Constipation – Poop Words on Paper.

If you’re still stuck with a groaning wail and no results on paper, let’s figure out what your problem may be… What was that first whine you uttered last time you called your writer buddy for advice?

“I’m just not a good enough writer to get the story done.”

SHUT UP!!! Oh my gosh! Did you just utter that phrase and then stay on the phone telling her about the story for two freaking hours? Oh my gosh! Write it down. Give up the self pity and the self delusion and WRITE for poop’s sake. Put those words on paper!

“You’re a better writer than me.”

Of course she is. While you’re droning on and on about what you can’t do, she laid the phone down on the computer desk and wrote! You could have done that too. But, you chose to lay it all out on her ear instead. WRITE! Stop with the self pity already and just do it.

“My story just isn’t going any place.”

What? Your characters are all dead? When did you kill them? If you still have live characters, you still have a story and it’s going someplace, just find out where it’s going by giving the characters some lead and letting them direct the show. Guaranteed, they’ll take you somewhere, maybe even where you didn’t want to go.

One afternoon while writing a particularly compelling story, I got a phone call from someone whose name I shall not mention. The main character in the story I was writing had been having problems with another character and the phone caller said words I really didn’t need to hear, didn’t want to hear, and when I heard them, pissed me off beyond belief.

So, right there, while I was still on the phone with my caller, I was typing on my story and trying to ignore the caller (because I really didn’t want into the battle of words they were attempting to start) and the story came together. My main Character killed the problem character in a word battle of deadly proportion and my story went on to live another day. Later on, in an editing phase, the problem character became an ended relationship that just went a different path and exited the story for good, without the blood and gore of a bludgeoning battle. (I don’t write horror in real life!)

Let your characters live. When they’re living breathing beings you can get the heck out of the way and allow them liberty with your story. If they get out of hand, kill a chicken and bleed all over the page, then you can pull the edits, but your story is written.

“Life gets in the way.”

Okay, so you have to work for a living? I write articles, news, etc. for a living and still write books. The reality is, the words are there waiting and writing just one hour a day will net more than one book a year. Just do it! Stop making excuses, sit your butt in the chair and type. You’ve got to put words on white space. There’s nothing you can do without taking action, so take it. Get those fingers clicking! Write!

Leave a comment and let me know what’s holding up your writing, but then get to it and WRITE!!! That’s right, put the poop on paper and see where it leads. Hurry up and get to the keyboard before you leak all over. Guaranteed, you’ll have writer diarrhea almost immediately.